peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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