Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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