i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
