Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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