Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
