you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
