1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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