you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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