Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
