you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
