How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
