At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
