One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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