lets start a swedish sibling band together
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
