I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
