is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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