Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
