im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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