Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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