apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
