Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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