Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
