Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
