I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
