What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
