Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
