1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
home. puking in laundry basket.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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