lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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