It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
