Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
