just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
