she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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