So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
