I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
