i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
