brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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