Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
