So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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