We're like a lot better than the average bears
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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