In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
