His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
