If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
youre lurking in front of me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
