her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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