He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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