There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
