I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
