i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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