She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
