you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
