Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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