It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
