So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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