I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
