I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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