I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
