The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
