She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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