Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
