So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
