he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so let's talk penis.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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