I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
