i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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