I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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