It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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