i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
only if we run a train.
done.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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