His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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