Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
