It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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