I hate your face
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
