You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
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