my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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