WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
