I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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