i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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