Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
