Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Randomize
