I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
