she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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