its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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