I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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