I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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