Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
even my farts smell like vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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