the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
