he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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