btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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