More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
