this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
