my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
