Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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