The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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