he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
