New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
