She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
