They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
