it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
